It was going to be a fantastic day. Mommy and daughter quality time was the plan. We were going to get our nails done together. It was her first time and she was so excited. I was excited for her.
We were doing just fine all morning. We were going to meet another mommy/daughter duo for our fun girl day. I am not one to get pampered often at all but at the last-minute I happened to remember to think about shoes that wouldn’t mess up her pretty toes. I pulled out a cute pair of flip-flops for her. I knew she didn’t really like them. They don’t feel good. Rarely does anything but the items she wears daily feel good to her. She has some sensory issues with the way things feel. Okay, she has some serious sensory issues with the way things feel. Okay, maybe I could write a book on all of the incidents over clothing/shoes we’ve experienced with this girl.
This is where our beautiful memory making morning went off. I started with a very sweet rational suggestion about wearing the flip-flops to not mess up her toes. I explained why we couldn’t wear Crocs after her toes were done. I explained again. This is probably 5 minutes down a road I should have never gone. My husband says “don’t try to explain”. I am female. I can’t avoid this for some reason. My mouth just starts talking and talking and oh that verse about be slow to speak…..you know, oh God is full of wisdom. I should really seek His wisdom even when going to get a pedicure!
Happy mommy/daughter morning had gone wrong. Big sigh!! I was getting louder in my explaining. She was getting more passionate about why she could not wear the flip-flops. I only wanted her to wear them from the salon to the car 20 feet away. How could this be such a big deal? I was getting louder. Nearly 9 years of these struggles was adding gasoline to this fire. I’m sure had this been the one and only time we had been down this road I wouldn’t have been so loud and passionate and completely and utterly annoyed by this refusal. I was getting louder and more disgusted and good grief we just WOULD NOT GO! I have stubborn blood coursing through me and I could certainly out stubborn an 8-year-old. She thought she had the corner on fit throwing.
Well big fat “ha ha ha”. I am the mommy and I can certainly throw the biggest fit. Oh dear,where was the verse about “be slow to speak and slow to anger”? This situation was quickly heading towards a need for forgiveness verses and action. Did I really want to be the thrower of the biggest fit? Apparently I did. I had left the room and a few minutes later she came to find me and before she could say a word (which I suspect was going to be an “I’m sorry mommy”) I went off on my rampage AGAIN. Yes, again!! I’m stubborn like that. I’m sure the Holy Spirit was dancing around me at that moment doing his best Ricky Ricardo “ey yi yi” Cuban voice. Pathetic, I was pathetic and I was really loud being pathetic.
She left in tears again. I was now officially the worst mom ever in my own mind and hers at that time. Oh to have a time machine to save myself and her from the horror of my wretchedness. Patience. Self-control. Gentleness. Kindness. Love. Joy. Peace. I could have used pretty much any of the fruits of the spirit in the 10 minutes of disaster. I am pretty sure I didn’t start that morning in prayer. I am so glad God is a God of forgiveness and redemption. Oh my, do I need forgiveness. Some days I need a whole lot more than others, but I need it.
I made my way to her and hugged and apologized and begged for forgiveness. I prayed God would just erase the bad memory of that part of the day and forgive me too.
Unfortunately we have had those moments more than just that day. I’m a cracked pot. I’ve learned God loves cracked pots. When we are cracked and broken He shines. He shines no matter what. When we are weak He is strong. When we can’t do it on our own He is there. He is there to remind us just exactly why Jesus had to go to the cross. He is there to pick us up, wipe the tears and send us on our way to the nail salon. He is there. He is enough, when I am so not enough. He is there to make sure I get up the next day and mess up less. He is there to make that mommy/daughter day great despite the mommy.
My prayer lately has so often been “More of you God and less of me”.
Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
By Lavender & Armour