Life. Sometimes that “box of chocolates” seems like chaos.
We got married and I wanted a baby. Babies are cute, tiny and they smell so good! Really, that is about as far as I thought, other than I might want three or four eventually because they are cute, tiny and they smell so good, right?
When they are babies, you sleep in small increments of time. You don’t shower very often and rarely completely alone, well maybe never alone and certainly not as often as you would like. That one time they were at grandma’s and you thought you were showering in peace the only other adult around decides to join you! Seriously, seriously you haven’t bathed in peace in 4 years and the one time you might get to, he decides to get romantic now? Wrong, so very wrong. This body and mind has been tugged on, slobbered on and hasn’t been alone in literally years and a shower in peace and quiet is the most valuable commodity on earth at this point. Sorry honey.
Babies, you think babies are hard? Insert sarcasm. Oh, to have babies and want to shower alone again. Yeah, I’m not crazy. I might take that deal and double down on it right now and I don’t even gamble.
Fast forward to the present and I have two children. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life and I’m nearly 50 years old! I’ve landed in that glorious world of home schooling that is all the rage. It’s marvelous, glorious and the easiest thing I’ve ever done. I don’t know why everyone doesn’t do this? Famous words from The Princess Bride movie “Liar!!!”
Do you remember Phyllis Diller? Yes, the wild looking actress with the crazy and out of control hair? No, we aren’t doing a project on her (one advantage of this season). That famous look of Phyllis Diller is how I feel, often. Crazed, like my life was stolen and someone dropped me into this sitcom. I beg my husband, you stay home and I’ll go back to work.
This season of combo private/home schooling is exactly where we are supposed to be though. I am 100% sure of that. That is what keeps me from giving up and shipping them back to 5 days a week. I would never judge anyone that has their children in school 5 days a week. I say this, because God has different callings for us. We’ve been there. We have been there in public school and private. There is a season. Don’t compare your season to anyone elses. Best advice for what is right for your family is to pray and specifically ask God to put your kids where He wants them. Just hold on to your sombrero, because it may get thrown into a ring you aren’t comfortable in.
I find myself in a a circus ring of lions lately. I am not comfortable. This is not convenient. I don’t even have the gift of teaching! Why? Why am I doing this? I am doing this because God knows what my children need. God knows they need to be in this school and at home 3 days a week. God knows their heart and how to mold it. God knows each of them and their unique quirks, talents, and weaknesses and exactly what is best for them in this season. God knows their future. God created them and He alone knows what is best for them. Thank you Jesus, because I don’t even remember where I hid the remote. The responsibility of figuring out what is best for two other humans is way more than I can handle. I need to stick to keeping the laundry done and deciding on what to serve for dinner.
There is another reason I am in this season that I’m not comfortable in. Me, God knows me and what I need. He is transforming me. He is molding my old clay to become a little more like Him. He is preparing me for eternity. He knows I need to be uncomfortable at times to grow. He knows I don’t like change and I wouldn’t conform without being uncomfortable. He isn’t finished with me yet.
This season is hard. I feel like Phyllis Diller looks some days and some days I am sure I have her look too. Positive. When your children suggest you go take a nap and then suggest maybe you go do your Bible study it usually isn’t because they are having so much fun with good ole mom!
Lest you think our days are all misery and torture devices out of some ancient movie, they aren’t. We have our glorious days of peace scattered in. We have our family life back. We have time. We are closer as a family. We are blessed. We are blessed, we love Jesus and maybe there are days I think I might start drinking.
A Real Honest Mom
Lavender & Armour